Note: This article was first published in Life in the Delta in February 2004.
I talked last month about the damaging affects of all kinds of childhood neglect and abuse, including physical, emotional, sexual and spiritual. This month I would like to emphasize the seriousness of one of the most hideous of them all – childhood sexual abuse. Human beings are made in the image of God – male and female, and our sexuality is core to our being, even on the soul level. Therefore, when a child is sexually abused, there is usually lifelong damage to the soul.
There are many definitions of childhood sexual abuse, but at its essence, abuse occurs when a child is used as a sexual object by someone in authority or with power. It can encompass using sexual language, pornography, fondling, or any kind of sexual act performed to or in front of a child.
Children do not naturally know about being sexual, and developmentally children are not capable of understanding sex. Therefore, if a child is sexualized at an early age, there has been someone else to show them. Children do experiment innocently and occasionally will have a sexual encounter with another child, such as “playing doctor” or “I’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours.” These experiences are not to be blown out of proportion nor do they damage a child. But if a perpetrator misuses their authority or the relationship to gratify their own sexual desires, ensuing damage occurs. A perpetrator can be an adult or another child who is at least 4 years older.
There are some common myths about childhood sexual abuse. One is that it is rare. Some of the latest statistics show that approximately 1 in 4 females and 1 in 7 males have been sexually abused. Another myth is that if children are taught to avoid dangerous strangers, then they will not be abused. To the contrary, 85-90% of abusers are known to the children. Molesters appear normal in most ways. Often the abuser is a relative. It is a fact that incest crosses all social lines. Another myth is that if children consent, they must have liked it or even invited it. Absolutely not, the offender bears full responsibility for the abuse. Children are sensual, that is, they need loving touch and affection, but children are not sexual. Another myth is that children will forget about the abuse if adults don’t remind them. Kids may hide the hurt and even feel responsible for the abuse. They interpret the silence of the adult as blame or anger. Another myth is that children make up stories about sexual abuse. Sexual abuse involves shame and guilt and children rarely make up a story where they are “bad.” So please, adults, listen to children if they try to get a message across that hints of possible sexual abuse.
Children trapped in sexual abuse have a problem in that they need relationship but the very people that they are supposed to trust are not safe. There are a lot of ways that childhood sexual abuse can affect people later. Sexual abuse can fuel addictions of all kind as people seek to meet their own needs through substances or habits rather than relationships. The abused can become dutiful and mechanized, because passion scares them or got them into trouble in the first place. Abused people often numb or dissociate and do not have a wide range of emotion. The abused can become sexually active. The abused can shut down sexually, especially later in marriage. Or worse, the abused can become the abusers, perpetuating a cycle of abuse. However, the best efforts to deny the abuse usually pop up later in life, be it in the form of depression, anxiety, addictions, or relationship problems. I urge anyone who was sexually abused as a child to seek help. The pain needs to be faced in order to go on with a productive life. Since most people do not like or know how to discuss such sensitive issues, I generally encourage seeking out a professional counselor or therapist. The road to recovery is long and arduous, but it is definitely worth the journey.
Unfortunately, with so many sexual images all around us – on television, movies, billboards, magazines, and the internet – almost all of our children are being sexually abused. Even the most caring and concerned parent is virtually helpless to prevent the loss of childhood innocence. The resulting damage is potentially catastrophic to our society. For that reason, I think we desperately need some kind of moral outcry or spiritual revival.
