Note: This article was first published in Life in the Delta in May 2005.
We are living in an age where the ability to escape from reality is only the click of a button away. We can have instant access to all sorts of fantasy – television, movies, computer games, internet chat rooms or pornography – just to name a few. Instead of facing the present circumstances of the life we are in, we can essentially live another life. I would like to pose the idea that I think a large part of being mentally and emotionally healthy is to live in reality. I also think that God calls us to this – to live in truth, or reality.
I would like to clarify that I’m all for recreation and relaxation. This too is something God calls us to do – to rest from work. Also, I believe God placed in us a need for stories. It is part of who we are. A large part of the Bible consists of stories. So not all escape into movies, TV, books, or games is bad. But the questions to ask ourselves are these: Are we doing what we’re doing to relax, or are we trying to calm anxiety or replace loneliness? And what do our real life relationships look like?
While not all forms of fantasy are wrong, depending on our motivation, I do think that any escape to internet pornography is wrong. In case parents do not know, the largest consumers of internet pornography are children ages 11-17. Usually behind pornographers is organized crime, and they are being extremely aggressive in going after our children because they want customers for life. In addition, so many men are addicted to internet pornography that it has become one of the leading causes of divorce today. Women too view pornography and evidence has begun to show that women’s brains are actually being rewired so they are becoming more sexually aggressive and more responsive to visual stimulation by sexual images than in times past. Even so, both men and women become involved in chat rooms and many a marriage has been destroyed by an online relationship.
One danger of the addiction of pornography is that it produces a release of endorphins in the brain. This is like a drug released in our body vs. a foreign substance, like marijuana or heroin, which has to be introduced. The effect feels so good that the person cannot stop. Later a person usually experiences enormous guilt and shame and possibly depression. Yet the person trapped in pornography has a continual desire for more and gets trapped in a cycle. Unlike other abusive substances, pornography has the three A’s: it is Accessible, Anonymous, and Affordable. For anyone trapped in internet pornography, intervention is absolutely necessary. The prognosis for change is 100%, but the key factor is whether the person wants to become pure or not. But the way to getting well is by bringing it to light. The person must have accountability to another person or a group. And internet filters must be in place.
The antidotes to fantasy are fellowship and facing our pain. Anyone who is escaping to a fantasy life or fantasy relationship is probably lacking intimacy in their real relationships. All of us have an inborn desire to be loved, understood, and affirmed. Fantasy relationships can only satisfy these deep desires momentarily. And in the deepest recesses of our heart is a void that only God can fill. I love what G. K. Chesterton says, “Every man who knocks on the door of a brothel is looking for God.” I would say that is true for anyone clicking onto internet porn sites as well.
I would challenge you to face the reality of fantasy and its destructiveness to marriages and families. I would ask that you become involved with real people and real life circumstances and responsibilities, rather than seeking time alone with a machine. But be warned, real love is messy and relationships take work. But they are much more satisfying. Indeed, we were made for relationship.
