The Problem of Evil

I recall my experience of serving in an internship for a semester in a group therapy behavioral center for those with dual diagnoses – depression and/or anxiety with or without co-existing addictions. As I sat with these good people who were struggling to recover from their problems, I often heard them ask the question, “How can people be so cruel?” They said this often in reference to family members or co-workers whom they seemed to hold responsible for most of their difficulties. I recall the psychologist’s answer: “You simply need to know and accept that there are evil people in this world.” He went on to tell them, however, that they fortunately no longer had to be in bondage to them. A book he recommended they read was Scott Peck’s People of the Lie, which is a great description of real evil and may differ from the pre-conceived notions many of us have about evil.

Since I have talked about boundary setting and codependency in the last few articles, I thought this would be a good time to address this issue of evil. We all know of people like Saddam Hussein who are masters of evil. But according to Dan Allender in his book Bold Love, there are many people who do not perpetrate societal or individual barbarity but who are more than simply arrogant, hard, and hurtful. “All of us are capable of doing evil things, but evil people are driven by a self-interest that is so heartless, conscious, and cruel that they delight in stealing from others the lifeblood of their soul.” These people often masquerade as ordinary, unassuming people who hide behind a facade of normalcy. Again according to Allender, “Evil is present when there is a profound absence of empathy, shame, and goodness. . . An evil person is unmoved by the inner world of the other and has no respect for boundaries.” When their patterns of harm are exposed, they are not sorrowful or open to feedback. Their narcissism, or pride, is profound.

Evil rarely shows itself as bad. Instead, it often portrays itself as helpful, kind and generous, but these are displayed to entangle the victim deeper in the evil person’s web, i.e., there are strings attached. Evil people for the most part are unfeeling and without emotion. The victim is just an object to be controlled or destroyed. A characteristic of evil people is their ability to cause confusion as they regularly and masterfully portray their motives and behavior as innocent and in turn make the victims of their abuse feel like the perpetrators of the harm. They use heartless accusations and shame to wear down their victims and show no remorse for doing so. Just like a dictator who wants to limit the freedom of speech and thought of his constituents, so does an evil person desire to control and have absolute power over the choices of another.

An example Allender gives of an evil person is the following: “The father who craftily and pervasively undermines his children at every point of decision, criticizing their reasoning or their motives, superintending every one of their relationships with solicitousness and overprotection, may appear to outsiders to be a committed and sacrificial parent, but in fact may be a jealous, obsessive accuser who devours their hearts.” Another example he gives is the mother who may be a pleasant, hospitable woman known as a good Christian, who may even serve on church committees and be involved in civic organizations, but at home behind closed doors she may “ooze molten contempt” and “in her volcanic fury melts everyone who dares stand in her path.” She may coerce her children into doing as she wants while remarking, “I’m glad you’ve come to your senses.” One problem with discerning evil people is that they are so common. (To be continued next month.)

Forgiveness: What It Is

Note: This article was first published in Life in the Delta in June 2004.

At the recent annual meeting of the Mississippi Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, I was privileged to hear keynote speaker Dr. Everett L. Worthington, Jr. Though a Christian, Dr. Worthington has been working in the secular field at the Virginia Commonwealth University where he has done extensive research in the area of forgiveness. He is highly regarded for his expertise on the topic and has published many of his studies. Though all the major religions value forgiveness, it has also become an area of interest to secular psychologists who have found great personal health benefits for individuals who practice it. I would like to share with you some of Dr. Worthington’s findings.

One of the difficulties of discussing forgiveness is in defining it. Therefore, Dr. Worthington establishes the definition as the basis from which to work. He says that there are two types of forgiveness: decisional and emotional. In decisional forgiveness, a person decides to control the tendency to avenge or avoid their offender and by their outward behavior they “release the debt.” Many people have this type in mind when they think about forgiveness. But the forgiveness that Dr. Worthington says that brings the physical and emotional benefits to people is the second type – emotional forgiveness. This is the one he has in mind when discussing forgiveness. Therefore, he first defines it in the negative: emotional unforgiveness is the complex combination of six negative emotions – resentment, bitterness, hostility, hatred, anger, and fear, which occur after there has been an offense. Living in our world, we are continually faced with being hurt or offended by others. After the transgression happens, we usually respond with hot emotions, such as anger or hurt or fear, but this response is not unforgiveness. Unforgiveness develops over time as we ruminate about the offense. These six above named emotions can then become combined and deeply rooted and difficult to give up.

After an offense Dr. Worthington says an “injustice gap” is created, which can be dealt with in several ways. Emotional forgiveness is just one of the ways to close this gap, though it is impossible to fully close the gap and return to things as they were before. Other ways to close the injustice gap include personal revenge, legal recourse, invoking divine justice by turning it over to God, accepting that bad things happen (which is forbearance), or demanding an apology or restitution, just to name a few. These things can help alleviate negative emotions. But Dr. Worthington contends that emotional forgiveness is the replacement of the negative emotions of unforgiveness with positive other-oriented emotions, such as empathy, sympathy, or love – either romantic or altruistic (a gift to the other person).

Dr. Worthington says the level of hurt is crucial. The offense of someone cutting you off in traffic may be categorized as a nickel hurt, whereas a big hurt such as the murder of a loved one may be worth $500. It may take a while to cycle over and over again through forgiveness in cases of traumatic, deep wounds to reach the replacement of the negative emotions with positive ones. But the key is empathy – the identification with and understanding of another’s situation, feelings, and motives. This does not negate the hurt, but if you can separate the action of the offense from the negative emotions, then perhaps you can find ways of letting go of those emotions. For example, you can ask God to heal the emotions. Perhaps you can attempt to see the offense through the eyes of the offender or as an observer objectively telling the story. Maybe remember a time when someone forgave you and what that felt like. You can limit the time you ruminate over the offense, e.g, delegate it to a designated limited time period during the day. All of these are ways to replace negative unforgiving emotions with positive other-oriented emotions. Emotional forgiveness can be expressed or not expressed to the offender. Emotional forgiveness is an intrapersonal experience, that is, it takes place inside the person.

Our bodies are designed to meet an acute stressor by pumping out the hormone cortisol. People with unforgiveness have been found to have higher levels of this stress hormone cortisol, which can lead to many physical health risks, such as cardiovascular and immune disorder risks. Basically, emotional forgiveness is better for your health. (Note: See next month’s follow-up article – “Forgiveness: What It Is Not.”)