Note: This article was first published in Life in the Delta in September 2006.
In today’s modern world it seems we are being bombarded with constant communication – with e-mail, cell phones, text messaging, Facebook, etc . It’s not uncommon to see many people “plugged in” at all times, even multi-tasking by working, attending class, checking out of stores, or talking to you while sending messages to someone else. Is it possible that we seem to be communicating more and more yet we are connecting with people less and less? I think that to be the case.
One reason I believe we are not truly connecting amidst all the apparent chatter is that in our electronic world we are missing some key ingredients for true communication. When communication has been analyzed in the laboratory, it has been found that only 7% of what we convey is contained in the content, that is, the actual words we say. It has been found that 38% of communication is connected to sound of our voice – the loudness or softness with which we speak, the fastness or slowness, the speech tones and inflections, or the level of tension. Then an amazing 55% of communication is found in our body language – our facial expressions and body movements, including small hand and muscle movements, our eye contact, our breathing rate, our posture shifts, and even our closeness or distance from others.
I hope you can see that in electronic communication we are missing the majority of true communication – the nonverbals which show our emotions. It might be said that talking on the phone is better than texting or sending e-mails, since at least the sound of someone’s voice is available. However, even phone communication is still missing over half of the ingredients that give us the full picture of someone’s message. A novel gets around these issues by describing in detail the sound of someone’s voice and their body language. And a skilled communicator could convey some of these by their use of descriptive words in their message. But this is rare since most people use broken sentences and symbols to convey quick, often disjointed, messages.
Another reason people seem to be connecting less and less is their lack of time and effort to develop close relationships. Communication that is connecting involves getting beneath the surface of small talk or shop talk and unveiling your deeper thoughts, your emotions and your desires. This level of communication must be done in the context of a safe and caring environment. It involves vulnerability which must be reciprocated. Also, making eye contact adds depth to this connection, as our eyes are often considered the windows to our souls.
Can you see how in our hectic world we are losing our ability to communicate? It is well known that babies cannot thrive without the physical touch of being held and the soothing sound of a human voice. I contend that the majority of people are suffering with this loss of true connection. They feel empty and lost and do not know why. The busyness of electronic communication is a poor substitute for the real thing. It only seems to give the illusion that we are close to others. As much as possible, I encourage you to limit electronic communication for business purposes and for the exchange of information. But in your personal life, be sure you are involved, one on one, with real people with whom you can truly connect. How about having “a little less talk and a lot more action!”
